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All this to say: How great is our God!

I am so in love with God.  He has restored my heart from all those things in the past that I was never able to face…until now.
Sunday night Thomas and I decided to take a break. It was definitely a God thing because both of us had the same feeling for a couple weeks. Of course having to face that reality was easier said than done. We both had built up some walls in our lives from hurts from our past. If we continued on in the relationship then it would have just become sabotage.  Therefore, we are taking time to allow God to break us and heal us.
Intially it didn’t hit me till after we hung up. I just sat there, called my friend (itwas2am :P) and realized I could not be alone. So I packed some clothes and went over to my parents house. The second I walked into my parents bedroom, I completely broke down.
Now, even though I was crying, I still had a peace about Thomas and I being together in the end. 3 days later and that peace remains.
As I was crying my dad wrapped me in his arms and held me. Then out of nowhere I started apologizing to me father about struggling to forgive him and as a result started to resent him for all the hurt he has caused. After this, my trust issue in my father came off of my shoulders. It was truly amazing a refreshing.
Now that doesn’t mean things got any easier. I pretty much cried from mon to tues. Now during those days God immediately started breaking me. There would be times that i’d cry because I missed him, but I would also be so whole heartedly crying because the loving presence of God was so overwhelming.  I just couldn’t stop crying out to God and praising Him and reading His word.
This morning I woke up without feeling uneasy. I took a shower and just continued praising God and continually giving it all to Him. Throughout my readings and prayers God was constantly comforting me and encouraging me. Reminding that Thomas and I will be blessed and rewarded and that we are in His will and we just got to trust and be sensitive to His direction.
Today, just 3days later I have such a  overwhelmingly peace. I am believing and holding onto the promise God has given us. Thomas and i agreed to not having any communication for a month and when  he comes back to school, we will see where things go from there. I just gotta keep rejoicing and working on the things that God has instructed me to do, keep praying for me and Thomas and all things.
All can say is, amen and thank you God.

Spring Breakers [all my thumbs go DOWN]

I could go on for a few paragraphs about this movie, but I will spare you. I will simply say this; Spring Breakers and a try hard piece of bull.

If only good ‘role models’ wouldn’t get so tired of being good. What is it about this world that is so appealing? All I see is desperation and suffering. My heart seriously breaks for these celebrities.

I’ve done things just since I started college and granted, most of those things were forced on me, and most might not even think they are that big of a deal, but those things are definitely not the way I want to define my life with or remember my life as. I wish I could go back to the beginning of freshman year, never been kissed and had the courage to pay no mind to the guy who felt like he could play me.

Why is being innocent looked so down upon?
I thank God for redemption and freedom in His name because without His forgiveness and love I could never live with myself in a world like this.
We need to recognize how destructive the world is becoming and snap back into shape.

We need to love like never before and be a light to those who are hopeless because let me tell you, Hope is still here.

Hope is on the move.

"The righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus." -Romans 3:22-26

Can’t believe it’s been 6 months since we chose to commit ourselves to each other…and 5 since we realized it’s be for the rest of our lives.

So much love, prayer, patience has gone into this relationship and I am nothing but grateful to be blessed with such a hard working, honest, God seeking man who loves me unconditionally.

"Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them."

I know this is a harsh verse, but it got me thinking and really realizing how important this is.

My whole like I have become distant from people; either from moving, change of schools, marriage,….life, etc. you know.

A big reason, in my case recently, is growth. I have found that the more you mature, you tend to move past the others who are not on the same level as you. You have to come to the understanding that you can’t go back or you will stay down. The longer you are down and not working towards something the more stagnant you get and depressed. You then lose your passion.

This has been really though lately seeing as though I have really cherish the people in my life. Even more so since I graduated with some of my closest friends. I have tried to help and reach out, but the more they brush it off, brushes me off. All I can do then is pray for them, and love them from afar, and I will still call them my friend.

So here’s my admonishment;

If you are that one who is stagnant and you happen to have a friend you hold dear, don’t let go of them and don’t reject them. Let the help you grow and be challenged, but you HAVE to want it! 

If you are the one who is growing, keep your inner circle intimate and strong. Full of people who will love you even in stern ways.They will hold you accountable and keep you in check with God. Ultimately know when to set yourself apart from certain people, use discernment. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

Purpose.

I meant it when I said I love you. And each time I say it my heart dances it’s way into your possession. I never thought I could have so much love for one person. It hurts sometimes…to be so close. I rebuke the option for there to be an end, but it doesn’t stop that one little question: What if? It haunts me day and night. That there could be a better love than mine. But will hold fast to what we have now. Knowing that there is no other way we could have worked. For if it weren’t for that one night we would have never been.

Purpose is what we’ve found.

So I will hold on for as long as I am permitted.

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