I am so in love with God. He has restored my heart from all those things in the past that I was never able to face…until now.
Sunday night Thomas and I decided to take a break. It was definitely a God thing because both of us had the same feeling for a couple weeks. Of course having to face that reality was easier said than done. We both had built up some walls in our lives from hurts from our past. If we continued on in the relationship then it would have just become sabotage. Therefore, we are taking time to allow God to break us and heal us.
Intially it didn’t hit me till after we hung up. I just sat there, called my friend (itwas2am :P) and realized I could not be alone. So I packed some clothes and went over to my parents house. The second I walked into my parents bedroom, I completely broke down.
Now, even though I was crying, I still had a peace about Thomas and I being together in the end. 3 days later and that peace remains.
As I was crying my dad wrapped me in his arms and held me. Then out of nowhere I started apologizing to me father about struggling to forgive him and as a result started to resent him for all the hurt he has caused. After this, my trust issue in my father came off of my shoulders. It was truly amazing a refreshing.
Now that doesn’t mean things got any easier. I pretty much cried from mon to tues. Now during those days God immediately started breaking me. There would be times that i’d cry because I missed him, but I would also be so whole heartedly crying because the loving presence of God was so overwhelming. I just couldn’t stop crying out to God and praising Him and reading His word.
This morning I woke up without feeling uneasy. I took a shower and just continued praising God and continually giving it all to Him. Throughout my readings and prayers God was constantly comforting me and encouraging me. Reminding that Thomas and I will be blessed and rewarded and that we are in His will and we just got to trust and be sensitive to His direction.
Today, just 3days later I have such a overwhelmingly peace. I am believing and holding onto the promise God has given us. Thomas and i agreed to not having any communication for a month and when he comes back to school, we will see where things go from there. I just gotta keep rejoicing and working on the things that God has instructed me to do, keep praying for me and Thomas and all things.
All can say is, amen and thank you God.